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The Huntress vs. The Headline: “Brazillians Bid Thousands To Deflower Sex Doll”.

March 8, 2013

If I could take a video of myself smouldering with a large gun and saying “I’m back, did you miss me?” in a husky, come hither voice I would. But I can’t, so can you please take a moment to imagine such a thing.

Thank you.

Did you miss me?

I didn’t think so…

But here I am, I’m back and inspired to relaunch The Huntress. Why now? Well a small, random, but significant combination of events have occured in recent weeks. These have consisted of some interesting headlines (integral to this Huntress project), a specific request for a new Huntress project (ok, this one is old, but it’s a start), randoms repeatedly stopping me in the street to ask about The Huntress, at least 3 groups of these randoms in the street wanting to know more about The Huntress (with more than two groups asking where they could purchase the publication!?!) and one request for film rights to The Huntress. Not bad, considering. So with all of this in mind I come bearing gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

What the fuck IS myrrh? Does anybody know?

Ok, I don’t really have gold, frankincense and myrrh, but I do have poor writing skills, excellent headlines and a desire to combine the two. Surely that should cut it. And in true essence of The Huntress vs. The Headline it’s dumb-down Friday, but, before we begin, we must award today’s top three terrible headlines.

I’ve kind of missed doing this. It feels good to be back.

It was tough finding the top three terrible today as the offerings have been rather mediocre. However, the bronze medal goes to AdelaideNow for “Grab Your Brollies, It Could Get Wet” and the silver medal is awarded to The Australian with “Fang The Fish Shocks Researchers”. Both schintillating news stories, surely. For the first gold medal of 2013 we have PerthNow, entertaining citizens with “Kylie Will Never Get Rid Of Charlene”, because it is all important news, not like, you know, Rohingya asylum seekers being shot by the Thai military, for, like, being stateless.

I’m considering starting a study on my alcohol consumption and whether it increases post the top terrible headlines of today. But I think we already know what the results are.

Let’s move on to todays headline! I had a choice of two excellent headlines today, but seeing as today IS International Womans Day (IWD) I decided to run with the female sex doll story. Of course. Every year on March the Eighth, women around the world celebrate what it is to be a woman and reflect upon ways we can improve our society for our mothers, sisters and daughters. Most major cities hold IWD marches and events, the resident feminist-haters of sites such as The Punch and The Conversation have an absolute field day enjoying their self-righteous misogyny and men in Brazil bid sums of up to AUD$102,000 to spend a night with a blow-up doll.

Look, even I’m the first to admit it’s cheaper than marrying. But let’s look closer at this.

Now, I’m struggling to research the origins of this particular sex doll, however Brazillian online sex shop, Sexonico is conducting the auction for the dolls virginity. The winner of the auction obtains a package including a night in the presidential suite of a pay-by-the-hour motel, a candlelit dinner with French champagne, a rose petal bath, return flights to Sao Paolo, sexy lingerie for the dolly and a digital camera to film the event.

Lights, camera, action!

Now, this particular auction is preceding the event that is the first international convention of inflatable dolls, a four day event being held in Brazil, where the prize doll, Valentina will be unveiled. Valentina is Brazil’s first sex doll offering, with such features as “a fleshy mouth, full breasts and a body that causes envy in all the women”. I did find much amusement in the translation from the Portuguese Brazillian website to English, with eyebrow raising lines such as ” correctly is going to leave men and women of faced with so much fallen chin exuberance” and “she was invented for do not stay behind the beauty of the women of meat and bone”. Do I really have to note sic? Didn’t think so. In short Valentina is set to thrill and is meant to be as real as the woman lying back underneath you thinking of England. Romantic.

As I understand it, the sex doll business is big business, with consumers spending approximately US$6,000 for a basic doll, plus extra for additional upgrades such as fuller breasts ($850), pubic hair ($100) and (you’re going to love this!) a “shemale” option (up to $1000). It’s not that different from buying a Porsche, when you think about it and ultimately either way you get fucked over (I still maintain that Porsche give less car for more money).

I really don’t know how to end this. I’ve just realised I spent my Friday night researching sex dolls and I can’t stop laughing. So here’s a picture of the lovely Valentina.

Valentina

 

I don’t really know what to say. So, did you miss me?

 

 

 

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6 Comments
  1. Danny Moss Jnr permalink

    Fuck u! Hey Nursey, I see your mate ‘What’s his face Barnett’ gave you the 15% you were after… You’ll have to either suck him off ( possibly not an attractive senario?) or vote for him tomorrow (Whoops… Today!)… Ho ho ho!

    Sent from my iPhone

    • Far out, where the fuck have you been Moss?!? I’m taking great pleasure in voting against Barnett today. Evidently you didn’t follow the story very carefully or read the West Australian as he managed to piss off 10,000 nurses and their supporters. Not very smart, threatening one of the largest sectors of your public workforce (voters!) with their livlihood. But then we all know he’s not very bright…

  2. Kate permalink

    Myrrh is a rare resin from a tree only found in the Middle East and North Africa areas. It is meant to be sweet smelling and good for the liver. Did you ever see the doco about guys with their living dolls? It was both amusing and highly disturbing at the same time. Also have a look at the Hoopla if you haven’t already 🙂

    • Haha, I love how you actually researched myrrh, while I research sex dolls LOL Ya, I did see the living doll, doco, which was kind of why I did the research. It’s amazing how these people feel about their dolls, I find it morbidly fascinating. I’m sure it will come in useful for my study this year.

      • Kate permalink

        I saw a something randomly a few years ago about myrrh. I had always wondered why such a weird thing would’ve apparently been an appropriate gift for someone whose meant to be a deity! The creepiest part of that doco was the guy who kept his used living dolls in the attic and there were doll parts flopping all over the place. Have they made anime blow up and living dolls?

      • Yes, it is an odd choice for an deity, but who are we to judge? Ya, I find the whole doll part thing reallyy freaky. These dolls have faces that can be taken off, eyes that can be taken out, a shemale converter – I think that’s the freakiest part, just pulling it all apart. It’s the equivilant of a trauma or gruesome murder! But I can confirm there are anime blow-up/living dolls. I would imagine that they corner a large part of the market.

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