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The Huntress vs. The Headline: “Where Sex Toys Lead, Thongs Now Follow”

September 9, 2011

It’s Friday! With the end of the working week the national headlines have also seemed to have tapered off in interest and quality. Articles of intrigue today have included the groundbreaking “Men Want Women With Sex Appeal” (Really, Herald Sun? Really?), the scintillating “Miss Columbia, Please Wear Your Knickers!” (a reasonable request, PerthNow) and the passionate “Teen Killed Girlfriend In Garlic Bread Row” (but was it good garlic bread, News.com.au? That I would be interested to know).

Note to self: for a long, happy life be sexy, wear knickers and make good garlic bread.

So, in relation to today’s headline what can you do with a baguette, a sex toy and thongs?

(You dirty bastards!)

Well the answer happens to be that you can buy all of the above from a vending machine. Haviana’s (yes, I am talking about the abysmal, uncomfortable footwear, otherwise known as flip-flops. Not the abysmal, uncomfortable underwear that Miss Columbia was not wearing) have sparked an Australian trend towards vending machines this week by installing the first thong dispensing machine at a Westfield mall in Sydney. The idea is that the consumer will be able to attain instant gratification and novelty by being able to purchase ‘everyday’ items from conveniently located vending machines. Which is why you can now buy your everyday baguette, your everyday gold and your everyday sex toy for instant gratification from various vending machines around the world.

Got to love getting instant gratification.

Now we all understand that Australia is lagging when it comes to new trends and technology. The Japanese have long been embracing vending machines for all their everyday needs which include eggs, beer and dry ice (well you need something to keep the beer cold, no?). I have always loved the crazy Japanese vending machines, including my personal favourite, the dispensers of ‘used schoolgirl knickers’. I was thrilled when my wonderful friend made a trip to Japan last year and asked if I wanted anything from over there. How could I refuse such an offer and I immediately sent him upon a journey to retrieve me a pair of said ‘used schoolgirl knickers’ from a vending machine. I don’t think my lovely friend speaks Japanese, but he did dilligently try to find me a pair. I was devastated when he informed me that ‘used schoolgirl knickers’ were no longer dispensed by vending machines due to health concerns.

I certainly have no qualms about the reasons for withdrawing ‘used schoolgirl knickers’ from sale in vending machines and in truth I had no idea what I was going to do with them. Though I do think they would have been excellent for provoking interesting dinner party discussions. I also find it interesting that according to Photomann Travel Photography a pair of used schoolgirl knickers range in price from approximately AUD$12 to AUD$36.50 at 2002 prices. While I find the ‘novelty’ of ‘used schoolgirl knickers’ absolutely hilarious I find it even more hilarious that there was enough of a market to sell them, at that price, from a vending machine. Are schoolgirls really wearing them first? Who is buying them? What are they actually doing with them? Do I really want to know the answer to any of these questions?

 

Errrr, no. No I don’t want to know. Forget I said anything.

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