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The Huntress vs. The Headline: “History’s 5 Most Obnoxious Beer Marketing Techniques”

August 13, 2011

Aaaaannnnndddddd The Huntress is back! Did you miss me? More importantly, did I miss anything? While circumstance did not permit me to fulfil my regular blogging schedule I did note that there were few worthy headlines going around in the past few weeks, which does make me feel slightly better about missing out on all the fun. What I haven’t missed out upon, however, is the top terrible headlines that continue to fascinate me in all their appalling glory. Today’s are of an excellent standard (in the unworthy sense) with such sensations as “Mooning Prank A Bummer For Youth” kindly brought to us by PerthNow.com, “Criminal Beauty In Eye Of Beholder” courtesy of The Telegraph.com.au and the holy grail of important news of the day “Great Grandma Has Boob Job At 83” with thanks to The Courier Mail.

Hmmm, it doesn’t seem I missed anything.

Moving on to today’s headline. I have been actively looking for a good headline for a few days, to no avail, so I thought this one would provide some light hearted amusement and entertainment. James Norton, the Supertaster of Chow.com had his curiosity sparked when an AUD$3,146,000 advertising campaign for Animee, a “bloat resistant” (?) beer aimed at the female market, was announced to begin in September of this year. The rationale for this campaign is “women are an essential part of future growth for the beer industry and can no longer be ignored”. Aside from the fact that it has been touted as a “crappy beer” by women who actually drink the stuff, Mr. Norton was more fascinated by the odious targeting of the marketers and wondered was this the most obnoxious marketing campaign used by a beer company to gain sales. Evidently not.

First of all I must note that I do not drink beer. Ever. Second of all I must note that I have always been mystified by beer advertising techniques, which largly seem to feature large breasted, scantily clad blondes that look questionably like Barbie. I fail to see what that actually has to do with beer, but I do remember liking the James Boag “Gallantry Is Back” ad campaign, which featured a modest, sexy lady, which also has little to do with beer. And neither does gallantry in my experience with those who consume large volumes of the product. Which leads me to my point that beer advertising is enigmatic and sketchy even at the best of times. Even if I could be swayed by the chivalrous bearskin rug and open fire scenario…

Excuse me a moment.

Back to reality. Mr. Norton has pinpointed the five most obnoxious marketing techniques for beer that are going around at the moment. First of all is cold-activated graphics. In the US it would seem there are two ways to get a market’s attention for an alcoholic product. One is the use of female celebrities wearing very little clothing and the other is product packaging (please note that neither of these advertising techniques actually relate to having a product that tastes good and therefore making people want to buy it). So to make your beer seem superior to all other beers on the market you slap a label on the bottle that changes colour to inform you that it is now cold enough that you can’t actually taste it anymore and is therefore drinkable. Genius.

The second most obnoxious campaign is a 4 step technique that Mr. Norton suggests should be patented by the brewer utilising it. Step one: Make a beer with an alcohol content of 32%. Step two: Give it a catchy name (Tactical Nuclear Penguin in this case). Step three: Bring your “extreme” product to the media. Step four: Profit. Successful, no?

The third and fourth respectively obnoxious ad campaigns are those relating to “gay” beers (because gay people can drink beer too!) and I quote “the monstrosity that is Budweiser Chelada”, otherwise known as “dead shellfish ale”. I love the way Mr. Norton describes that one in his Supertaster video.

The fifth most obnoxious beer marketing technique reflects upon the first point. Because some people are just too uber cool for cold-activated graphic labelling on their beer they have to up the ante with DOUBLE cold-activated graphics. Nifty thinking. So now you can be assured that you know when your beer is not only cold, but really, really super cold. Yep, just doubly stupid and obnoxious.

I went looking for a picture of a beer ad and was instantly intrigued by this…

Allegedly “Oosik” translates to “walrus penis”. I have no idea what to say…

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