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The Huntress vs. The Headline: “Laziness Is A Right Our Ancestors Fought For”

July 14, 2011

It’s Thursday and instead of indulging in my preferred celebration with my partner in crime I am condemned to resting on my couch for a few days with a bag of ice and a compression bandage. On the bright side this means cold drinks and quality time with Fenris (!). As a diversion from my usual format I have to feature a great headline brought to my attention by my partner in crime today (thanks Kate!). “Austrian Drivers Religious Headgear Strains Credulity”, featured by BBC News Europe, tells the story of Austrian atheist Niko Alm, who is shown in his drivers licence photo wearing a pasta strainer upon his head. Mr. Alm claims this to be a religious headdress as he belongs to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and identifies himself as a pastafarian. Mr. Alm submitted to psychological tests to be deemed fit to drive and is next applying to Austrian authorities to officially recognise pastafarianism as a religious faith.

It is no more ludicrous than the current available religious offerings.

I was also sent another potentially great headline yesterday on a story involving half a Mars Bar, a pair of trousers and a large musical instrument, but for personal reasons (ie. fear of being slaughtered by the author) I am unable to feature it. It was certainly worth an appraisal by The Huntress and highly amusing, but instead I will allow readers to interpret that information into a headline and article of their own choosing.

Today’s official headline doesn’t have the same charisma as the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but is certainly one I identify with. I confess: I am inherently lazy. There I said it. And now I can blame it on Darwin rather than my own lack of motivation, which makes me feel so much better about the whole situation. Jason Tin discusses that exercise is the height of human stupidity and that “gluttony and excess is our reward for having survived long enough to invent cheese platters and salami sticks”.

Mmmmm, salami.

Mr. Tin asks what is really so wrong about enjoying preservative-rich food and moving as little as possible. I admit, I am not one for preservative rich food (unless we’re talking salting, drying or smoking type methods of preserving, in which it is all good), but when it’s my time off I do enjoy moving as little as possible. Judge me all you want (and knee injuries aside here) but my job is very physically, mentally and emotionally demanding and my time off is precious. Why on earth would I want to spend it running on a piece of machinery or getting out of bed at some ungodly (unflying spaghetti monsterly?) hour to feel closer to nature? My absolute favourite activity in the world (bar one or two) is to lie in my bed with a good book, something excellent to drink and something delicious to eat. It’s the ultimate, indulgent activity – some might call it lazy, but I reckon it must feel a hell of a lot better than being in a cold, wet park jogging while it’s still dark.

That being said I did have to make peace with my, uh, rather curvy hips and bottom. But that’s ok, because I just tell myself they balance out my well endowed bosom – yeah, yeah this is starting to sound very Pride and Prejudice. All I need now is Mr. Darcy to come and ravish my petticoats.

I liked the assertion made by Mr. Tin that historical conquerers (not the Mr. Darcy type of historical conquerer that is) did not wage bloody wars so they’d have more territory to jog on. They waged bloody wars to instill fear into the peasants and slaves to keep producing delicious food stuffs and be fed hand peeled grapes. Ask any wild animal how it feels about its carefree lifestyle and all the running around it does all day communing with nature and I too would be certain they’d give it all up for cold drinks and quality time with Fenris. Mad running is not as majestic as some like to feel it is.


Having your driver’s licence photo with a pasta strainer on your head? Now that’s majestic.

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4 Comments
  1. Kate permalink

    I am spreading the word of your blog to my fellow workmates, I had to share this one! When are you writing more? 😀

    • Aw, thanks for the shameless plug! I will be writing again, as soon as I’m well enough. Hopefully within the next week or so!

      • Kate permalink

        You know I’m always good for shameless plugs! I hope you are feeling a little better at least, I’ll give you a call sometime this weekend 😀

  2. Marvelous, what a website it is! This webpage presents useful information to us,
    keep it up.

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