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The Huntress vs. The Headline: “How To Write A Fucking Best Seller”

July 11, 2011

There is something very special I enjoy about Mondays’ and that is return of ‘normal’ headlines in the news. It seems that on weekends I am deprived of such treats as “Lady GaGa’s Revealing Chat – Literally” with thanks to PerthNow, “You Are Paying A High Price For A Con” featured by the Herald Sun and “I Spent My Wedding Night On The Floor” courtesy of News.com.au.

Yep, Mondays’ are such a ‘treat’.

I chose today’s headline mainly because I thought it was possible I could learn how to write a best seller. Even though, you know, I don’t have a degree in English, I can’t really write and I have a full time job already. But still, just in case I choose to change career, I thought being able to write a fucking best seller would be an awesome thing to do. Even without it being in the ‘fucking’ context of Anais Nin (though that being said it would be a fun fucking best seller to write).

I am sure most of us are aware of Adam Mansbach’s bestselling children’s book “Go The Fuck To Sleep” (I LOVE the audiobook version read by Samuel L. Jackson). For those who are not familiar with this book, it was written by Mr. Mansbach in a fit of sleep-deprived parental frustration, hit number 1 in sales on Amazon.com before it was even published and is now translated into 12 languages. It is being released in Australia today.

I like the book for a few reasons. First of all I am a terrible parent; while I am good in positions of responsibility with other people’s children, somehow I fail my own. Dismally. I have definitely thought “go the FUCK to SLEEP” on many an occasion. I am reasonably certain I have actually said it in the wee hours of broken nights and non-stop crying. I can’t remember, it was all a hazy blur by that point. But this leads to why I really like the book – it finally validates all that frustration and despair so many parents are feeling but fear to express in today’s world of sunshine and rainbows parenting. The harsh reality is that while we all love our children we all have a breaking point – one that is usually hit whilst suffering a lack of sleep. But for some reason we are still expected to be enamoured with the joys of parenting and never express a moment of dissatisfaction.

What I especially find interesting about all of this stems from a personal experience. I am an openly honest person, usually to the point of brutality and when I was pregnant (I had a very rough pregnancy, sick the whole way through and had quite a serious pregnancy-related medical condition) I grew tired of everyone telling me I must be so excited and amazed by what my body was achieving. I wasn’t feeling it, there was nothing amazing about vomiting more times than I could count in a day, there was nothing amazing about being a host organ and there was nothing amazing about having ridiculously enormous boobs. So I expressed this sentiment and not surprisingly was often told off for being ungrateful…but then things changed. I found with my honesty a lot of women started confiding in me, confiding things like they had also not enjoyed being pregnant, that they never did enjoy parenthood and that maybe, just maybe if they could have their time over they wouldn’t have children. Secrets and sentiments they had been unable to share all their lives.

I now want to buy every one of those women who confided in me a copy of ‘Go The Fuck To Sleep’. I am fortunate enough that I can say my son is worth the terrible pregnancy I had (he’s exceptionally gorgeous, very charismatic and genuinely brings me so much happiness. And now he’s old enough to go the fuck to sleep on his own) but I still have those WTF?!? parental moments. ‘Go The Fuck To Sleep’ is finally a validation on those dark moments where we fantasise about running away to a place with a big bath, a big bed and room service.

A genius fucking best seller.

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