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The Huntress vs. The Headline: “Sucker Is Not…Oh Look! Pretty Lights!”

June 21, 2011

I am slightly annoyed as I write this post today as I would like to say that I am pleased to say that I have had 2,000 readers of my blog. But I can’t. As I write this the figure sits at 1,999 and has so stubbornly for about an hour now. Lame as. But that’s ok, because that was exactly the reaction I had towards todays top 5 most read headlines amongst the usual suspect news providers. And they really are just so pathetic I can’t even find them amusing, just bland. AdelaideNow offers a tasteless providing with “Most Disloyal Thing: Cornes”, brought us the flavourless “Venus Williams’ Wimbledon Fashion Fault” and The Courier Mail is looking rather flabby with “Cockroach Justice Snares Thurston”.

I think I should rename them McHeadlines.

Today’s headline is nothing short of brilliant and I am positively certain that the writer, James Valentine, is my long lost brother or something. Mr. Valentine writes about the depth of failure he has attained at managing his own life. Questions he should not be asked include ‘Do you insure anything with Westpac?’, ‘What phone plan are you on?’ and ‘How did you utilise your frequent flyer points?’. Yep, we’re definitely related.

Some people are just organised. They file their paperwork. They have bundled packages for their insurance, phone/internet/TV and banking needs. And as Mr. Valentine notes ‘they pay for everything on credit cards, pay off the credit cards so they never pay interest, collect the points, then fly the family to the Maldives for snorkelling’. Admirable.

Oooh, look! Pretty lights!

Like Mr. Valentine I try to be organised, I really do. I even had a little surprise today when I received some paperwork from the government in relation to my HELP fees. Apparently I made approximately $4,000 in voluntary contributions last year and I received quite a hefty discount. I wasn’t even aware of this. It was a nice surprise that kind of makes up for the nasty surprise I get every month from Quikflix who take money from my account for a service I don’t use, don’t want and wasn’t even aware I signed up for in the first place. Like Mr. Valentine it will probably take me about 6 years to do something about this because I keep getting distracted by the pretty lights.

I too have often looked in the mirror and wondered if ‘sucker’ is tattooed on my forehead. In truth I probably can’t see it because I’m yet to pick up my unrepairable glasses from the optometrist. In my defence (like Mr. Valentine) I have tried to research all these available options before and make phone calls to relevant people, but I get so confused that I give up and go to look at the pretty lights. What I don’t understand is I’m not a particularly stupid person. I can wax lyrical about how the human body regulates blood pressure and how a person becomes a CO2 retainer, but for some reason I can’t go and visit the people in security at my work and ask them to renew my parking permit for July.

I really must…oooh, pretty lights!

I feel just a little bit less alone…


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