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The Huntress vs. The Headline: “Midwife ‘Delivered My Baby, Stole My Hubby”

May 30, 2011

I was a bit sad with the dismally ordinary headlines over the weekend, but as usual my patience was rewarded with the new week. The dismal headlines continued, of course, with such ‘interesting’ material as “What QANTAS hosties hate about you” from PerthNow, “Baby Tonic For ‘Fragile’ Ben” by the Herald Sun and “Mile High Flirting Goes Horribly Wrong” with courtesy to News.com.au.

Does mile high flirting ever go right for anyone? Aside from Ralph Fiennes of course.

I found today’s headline intriguing. Mainly because I have found myself in a situation on the floor with another woman’s husband while she was giving birth, but more on that in a moment. It would seem in this situation that the midwife became friends with this particular couple on Facebook shortly after the woman gave birth. 5 months later the father of the new arrival (who is also a nurse himself) announced he was giving it all up and moving in with the midwife.

Now the human condition is perverse, I’m sure we can all agree on this. And as the great Oscar Wilde once quoted “I can resist everything but temptation”, which I’m certain resonates soundly with many people (ok, yes, I’m guilty as charged). However to run away with your patient’s husband is kind of overstepping the boundary. A lot. By miles. It’s one thing caring for your patient’s family but this is a whole new level of care. And it doesn’t exactly put the patient first, which to me is beyond normal perversion, no matter what the temptation. And now you’re wondering what I was doing on the floor with another woman’s husband while she was giving birth. It was innocent, I swear.

It just so happens nursing and midwifery are the kind of jobs where odd things happen. Really odd things. I was an eager-to-please student nurse at the time (as opposed to being a cynical Registered Nurse) and I was invited in to observe a birth upon a condition from the mother that I did not get involved. Which was fine by me, births are exciting times and as much as I believe it is a messy, painful and undignified process it’s amazing to watch every time. I never get bored of it.

The hospital I was working in was considered to be an exclusive private hospital. Which meant all the patients wanted their babies delievered by an obstetrician (really, why?) and the equipment was so out of date it just wasn’t funny. Which is why the foetal monitor still had wires to attach it to the patient and why the midwife I was working with got caught up in the wires, tripped and fell and knocked herself unconscious. Brilliant.

So where was the obstetrician, I hear you ask. That is an excellent question, because at the time we could not contact him. At all. Even though I was instructed not to get involved it seemed like a good time to do something. I hit the emergency bell to get another midwife in, provided first aid to the midwife with the assistance of another student nurse and stood up to help the new midwife – just as I stood up the father went down in a dead faint. I managed to catch him on the way down and lower him to the floor while he moaned “I can’t watch this, I can’t watch this!”. So I got down on the floor with him, got him into the recovery position just as the obstetrician walked in to this scene. Yep, I was on the floor with the semi-conscious husband, my colleague was on the floor with the semi-conscious midwife and the baby was slipping in and out of view. Choice.

So that is how I ended up on the floor with another womans husband while she gave birth. And that is the story I thought of when I saw today’s headline. Just so you know the baby was delievered safely, dad fainted again when asked if he wanted to cut the cord and the midwife was fine after a few days off work. I learned a lot that day.

To wind up today’s blog I’m going to throw in a picture of a low flying polar bear. Just because it’s cool.

Not flying high enough for mile high flirting, but close…

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4 Comments
  1. Chris permalink

    That is by far the best nursing story I have ever heard.
    Your one I mean… Not the running away with someones husband story.

  2. Well when you come and visit me I can tell you some other crackers 🙂

  3. Thank you for “your” story and the polar bear. They are both very cool. 🙂

  4. Glad you liked them, what are experiences like that for if not for telling?

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