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The Huntress vs. The Headline: “Corruption In Sport? Amazing.”

May 16, 2011

I am absolutely spoiled for choice on today’s top terrible headlines that picking just three has been quite a dilemna. However I cannot resist such wonders as “‘Unprepared’ Preppies Out Of Control” from The Courier Mail, “Why Ricky Snubbed  A Litany Of Stars” with thanks to The Telegraph.com.au and “I’m Jesus, Riverland Man Says” with courtesy to AdelaideNow.

Evidently the reporter on the Jesus article hasn’t walked through their city centre late at night, there’s usually loads of people claiming to be Jesus, which hardly makes it headline news.

Today’s headline is actually a few days old, but with the lack of new and interesting headlines out there, combined with the amusing nature of this article it seemed to be a good choice. It is no secret amongst those who know me that I find sport, its participants and its associated industry to be, well boring, and somewhat a joke. A controversial opinion to have in such a sport loving nation, but Justin Shaw, the author of today’s opinion piece seems to have the same feelings as I do.

Mr. Shaw examines the interesting attitudes of politicians and administrators who have expressed surprise and dismay at the allegations of corruption within the FIFA World Cup bidding process. No, really? Corruption within a multi-billion dollar, multi-national (yes, including Africa and Italy) organisation? Who’d a thunk it? Amazing!

What I particularly liked about this article was the suggestions made for making sports more interesting. These suggestions included playing tennis on the edge of a volcano, synchronised swimming with electric eels and adjusting beach volleyball slightly to include more slow motion, wah-wah guitar and the addition of some pool cleaners with bad moustaches on standby (just as an interesting sidenote, the World Beard and Moustache Championships have just been held in Norway).

So this all got me thinking – how would I choose to improve modern day sports. My favourite sports currently include fencing, extreme ironing and bog snorkelling, all of which are entertaining and interesting, so it’s only fair to come up with ideas to improve other sports and elevate them to the same level as these.

Golf desperately needs a makeover no matter which way you look at it. Some much needed suspense could be added to the game by players using a detonated golf ball, set to go off randomly upon contact with a golf club. I bet Tiger Woods’s ex-wife would be up for that one.

Ice hockey would be far more interesting if players had to dodge ice-fishing Eskimo’s and their open fishing holes. Extra points are given if a player can steal a fish from an Eskimo and score a goal. Points are taken away if an Eskimo is knocked into a hole and the offending player has to cook a fish dinner as a penalty.

Running in all its glory would definitely be improved with the addition of a white rabbit a’ la greyhound style. Participants would be required to chase and capture said rabbit. The winner gets to keep the rabbit.

I don’t know if anyone who watches and enjoys the pre-modified sports would actually enjoy my alterations, but it would certainly liven up proceedings. For those who are offended perhaps they would prefer the concept of naked fencing.

Beats jelly wrestling in my mind.

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4 Comments
  1. Chris permalink

    My fencing club used to have t-shirts with naked male fencers on it.
    I’m not sure that they ever encouraged people to join up….
    At least not males. Maybe we should have had hot naked female fencers instead…

  2. Jelly fencing, perhaps?

  3. Naked fencing sounds good but let’s up the ante by putting Taser thingies at the tips of the foils because what’s the point of a sword fight if no one’s laying on the ground clutching themselves in pain.

    I thought about naked golf as well but the majority of golfers are unfit old men so when they squat down to line up a putt… ewww…

  4. Taser fencing! Nice, it would certainly attract a certain calibre of viewer 😀

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