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The Huntress vs. The Headline: “Altered Mind This Morning? Hehe, Just Blame The Planets”

May 14, 2011

The world of online news is catering for its bleary eyed Saturday morning readers with some ‘entertaining’ light reading (ie. total shite). Headlines such as “Hold Your Breath, Maroons Fans” (The Courier Mail), “I Did Party Drugs But I’m No Cheat – Reni” (The Telegraph.com.au) and “Carrier Pigeon Beats Internet Speeds” (News.com.au) are about all readers can handle for weekend news updates.

I believe the carrier pigeon would have a higher intellect than the average reader of the first two articles. The carrier pigeon article itself gets let off as it may have actually been an interesting experiement.

I found today’s article by Research Associate Professor David Coward to be witty and entertaining. For the next month we will be experiencing the rare occurance of the alignment of planets Mercury, Venus, Mars and Jupiter in our night skies. It has been 101 years since the last alignment, which is causing much excitement between astronomers and astrologers.

Just to clarify for those who may get confused between the two. Astronomers are the scientists who study the universe based upon physical law. Astrologers are the people who try to predict how the night sky influences individual people and usually charge a lot of money for the privilige via a 1900 phone number.

Associate Professor Coward explains in his article how planetary postions may affect moods and mind altering states by celestially induced tidal effects, or CITE for short. Basically differential force applied to a spherical body such as Earth from a celestial body (such as the moon) causes Earth to become distorted and alters our tides. But how does it distort our brains?

Bbbbrrrraaainnnnsss! Incidently it is Zombie Awareness Month.

Unfortunately the only stress being applied to our brains is that from the crap news headlines I cruise every day for my own entertainment. Celestially induced tidal effects are just not strong enough from the aligned planets to apply enough stress to Earth to actually alter anything, let alone our mood state. Associate Professor Coward states that “the biggest influence planetary alignment will have on our lives is dealing with the stress of listening to the growing fringe of CITE believers”. He also noted that his astrology prediction for this week was that intolerant attitudes would cause stress. Hilarious.

Apparently my horoscope for today says that I “should snap into action to make the most of todays fantastic energy”. It does not change my plan to spend time with Fenris on my couch.

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One Comment
  1. Chris permalink

    I believe the carrier pigeon was just trying to escape the nnews headlines.
    Hence it’s speed.

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