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The Huntress vs. The Headline: “Suri Cruise Eats Penis Shaped Lollies”

March 18, 2011

I’m supposed to write a really catchy “look at me line” here, something that garners a reader’s attention to a first time blogger. But considering that todays number 1 most read headline on PerthNow.com is “Suri Cruise Eats Penis Shaped Lollies” I’m a bit unsure as to what is considered as worthy of a readers attention. I’m not particularly interested in other people’s children (I have one to entertain me already), penises (I’m a nurse, see the damn things more often than I’d like) or lollies (Ok, I lie, I am interested in lollies. Especially sherbet lemons and Minties). While I don’t take PerthNow seriously as a news website, I am going to assume it takes itself seriously as a Perth news website – after all it is common knowledge anything Perth based takes itself seriously.

So what is it that is so important to Perth readers about Suri Cruise and her penis shaped lollies? I am yet to actually brave this link, so I am taking a deep breath, preparing myself for the unknown and plunging face first into this intriguing mystery. I dare you to join me:

http://www.perthnow.com.au/entertainment/suri-cruise-is-papped-holding-a-box-of-penis-shaped-sweets-in-new-york-with-mum-katie-holmes/story-e6frg30c-1226023249648

For those who value their IQ more than I do, according to this article, the parenting experts of the Perth Now entertainment section all agree that penis shaped sweeties equate inappropriate parenting. I suppose 170gm of Peter Pecker’s penis gummies is not the most nutritionally sound food available, most likely containing large amounts of sugar and artificial colouring. This is obviously concerning for many parents – dental care is expensive, especially when one has a shoe habit to fund.

I am certain you can tell I am finding it excrutiatingly painful pretending to be interested in this article. I cannot bring myself to read the comments – why is this even featured on a news site? How the hell did it become the number 1 article on a news website?

So I don’t care about Suri Cruise and her penis shaped lollies, however, 92 people cared enough to comment about their opinion on the article. As it is the top rating news article of the day with 92 comments it is doing a hell of a lot better than my brand new blog which currently has zero readers (I am yet to read what I have written) and no commenters. So there is my catchy, look at me intro for my blog. Now for some real news and opinion articles:

In national affairs asylum seeker detainees are protesting due to the slow processing of their visa’s. These protests are becoming increasingly desperate and should not be ignored.  Lesley Cannold published this interesting article on ABC’s ‘Unleashed’ yesterday.

http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/45250.html

Cannold asks the question why do we baulk when protests are being held on Australian soil? We seem to open our eyes and ears to the plight of those struggling overseas, but not those who have made it to Australia. This piece offers some perspective on the matter.

Just for some lightheartedness I thoroughly enjoyed this quirky newspiece about a wetsuit being advertised on Ebay. I found the sellers advert to be quite funny and charming. I hope you enjoy it.

http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/eBay_wetsuit_listing_goes_viral

So now I can go back and read my own blog entry – woohoo I will have 1 reader! Even if it is myself. Nevermind.

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4 Comments
  1. Kate permalink

    You know I do believe Suri Cruise was in training for her career in the entertainment industry. So the assertation that it is poor parenting is rubbish, her well meaning parents are obviously preparing her for the casting couch and thus life. Isn’t that what parents are meant to do?

    It is a worry that 92 people commented on the story. News worthiness has certainly changed since I did my journalism degree.

  2. Jessica permalink

    You should not feed your 4 year old daughter penis shaped lollies because in Karl’s words “she’ll get used to it”. Hahahahahaha! Yeah ok, they’re being stupid. This was much more fascinating than reading the news. Thanks 🙂

  3. Paulie chef permalink

    Ah. Tom cruise. Scientology. Katie Holmes. And now devil spawn suri eating penis at such a young age.

    Why would you give your kid penis lollies in the first place.

  4. Steph B permalink

    Personally I love penis lollies they’re great! Shouldn’t give them to children though. Although maybe she wouldn’t really understand the meaning associated with them, after all lollies are still lollies no matter what shape they are! No kid would say no to lollies.

    In other matters if I go back to NZ and take to the sea on a leaky boat to Aussie destroying my documents on the way will I then be eligible for a refugee visa and thus entitled to HECS ect? If so I’ll see you in a month or so 🙂

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